What happens when you wake up one day and everything you were absolutely, positively sure about was, well...wrong. The people in your life weren't who you thought, the things you believed in became unbelievable and you even second guessed the things you saw and heard.
I miss the days of "personal anarchy", where I could get away with being brutal because I at least had the courage of my conviction. Now I feel old, broken and tired. Especially my heart.
Nothing is easy anymore, there are no simple tasks. Part of my life's biggest joy was helping others. But after a while when every phone call began with "I need...", well I just up and changed my phone number, I just snapped, and not in that dramatic "mascara running down my face, scotch in one hand, cigarette in the other wearing a vintage slip and marabou slippers" kind of way. I snapped in the most horrid way I could think of, lucid and completely sober and 100% sure of my actions.
I love who I love and that will never change but I cannot force people to want me instead of need me. My house is amazingly quiet now and it's going to be hard to get used to it. If I could just get my head to pipe down things would be smooth indeed.
Oh, and who knew that my Husband would turn out to be the Hero in all of this? I think it has to do with the uniform.
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